With it being the new year, we are all screaming ‘new me’! While some of us may be saying new year same me, we can still impose some healthy habits.
Sex is a form of communication that only happens between you and your partner. So does sex matter? Yes, but it unhealthy habits can form in your day to day life. Only 40% of spouses have sex 3-4 times a week, let’s boost that number with some healthy sex life habits.
Sex shouldn’t be another chore for you to accomplish, it should be something you should enjoy. It should be something you look forward to doing with your partner. Here are some sex life habits to help you boost your intimacy and build a healthy sex life.
- Be fully engaged in your partner. What do I mean by this? Well don’t focus on what chores your partner didn’t take out, or what your partner forgot to do… focus on their pleasure and ensuring your pleasure needs are met.
Nobody wants to be in bed with their partner and feel like they’re just a toy. If you are having trouble getting out of your head and into the bed then you want to tell your partner so that way they can help you.
- Check in with your partner. It’s hard to have an enjoyable sexual experience if you’re really stressed out, and if you want your partner to be fully engaged with you then you need to check in on them and how they’re doing.
Sometimes life gets us down, it happens to us all. I can’t count the number of times I’ve just been in a bad place and not on purpose, but it happens. So if you check in with your partner then you can see what’s going on with them and how you can help them. Sometimes people just need an ear, it makes communication easier as well if you make a point of having it more often.
- Break your patterns. Patterns often become comfortable habits but that doesn’t mean they’re fun or comfortable, let alone feasible. Sometimes you get into a draining pattern leaving nothing left over for your or your partner. Sometimes you have to change things up and try new things, don’t be afraid to.
Sometimes you have to try a few different routines to see what works best.
I remember I used to babysit my moms dog, yes I’m that type of person. No, I will not babysit your dog. anyways, my sister was bringing the dog to her work and I’d pick him up from her work. Well the total trip over over an hour and I was doing this at the crack of dawn (7am).
I’m not a morning person, so then we switched it to my sister bringing him all the way and then me taking him back all the way… Well that wasn’t working for her. So after like 4 different ways of trying to figure this whole shindig out, we found out that meeting half way both times was the best solution.
There’s so many ways for things to be done that you have to open to doing things in a variety of ways to make it happen. And you have to try and fail until you find out what works out for you. I no longer baby sit said dog, but it was a lot of trial and error before we found what worked out best for everybody.
- Keep it fresh. Ah, this one, I feel like this one confuses people all the time. This can be taken in the way that you have to do something extreme. But you don’t, you don’t have to pull out whips, chains or even some weird Tiger King roleplay!
It simply means that you need to do something different. Maybe switch positions, put attention onto your partner, ask for attention, try a massage. You could also seduce your partner, such as taking them on a date, giving them a romantic bath. Have fun with it, you don’t need to go buy anything or do anything extra however.
- Schedule your sex. Yup, I said it, schedule your orgasms! But it’s not sexy, I love spontaneous sex! Really? Well thats fine but it also means you’re probably having less sex than those who schedule it. The only exception is those who are in the honeymoon phase of their relationship.
When you schedule your sex, not only do you know it’s going to happen so you can ‘prep’ if you desire. But you can also plan things! Like what? A bath, trying a toy, doing something new. It also means that you can make sure the kids or house chores get wrapped up in time for your sexy time.
Scheduling your sex also allows for a lot of foreplay. You can sext, you can build it all up and then when you’re ready and it’s time you can ravish one another. This makes it so you don’t have to go into the bedroom with a question on whether or not you’re going to have sex, but knowing it will happen and getting excited for it.
- Increase foreplay. When we talk about foreplay we often just think of it as making sure your partner is ready for the sex. Haha, however! There is a lot more to foreplay than just warming it for the sex. So what exactly then defines foreplay? Foreplay is something that can come in a variety of forms.
Some people love when they’re partner helps them and does a chore they normally do. It shows that their partner notices and wants to help and turns them on.
Others like to sext or compliment their partner. It’s giving your partner attention and letting them know that you still want them.
Guide on: How To Sext
Sexy teasing, such as bending over in seductive ways while your partner does regular things. It’s these simple acts that make you think about them that turn them on.
- Communicating with your partner. This is something that you probably do on the regular, but do you communicate your sexual interests and desires with them?
I was watching Sex And The City and in an episode Miranda goes ‘sex is a non-verbal act’. Which it’s not! I completely disagree with her. Now there is a fine line as to what should be done, so let me clarify this.
You shouldn’t tell your partner that their terrible in bed and give them bad criticism in the middle of the act. Unless they’re doing something nonconsensual and/or its painful. If you can wait, have the conversation after sex, do it after the moment of bliss is gone. Make sure the environment is welcoming and tell your partner what you really don’t enjoy.
But if you’re in the middle of sex and they’re doing something that you LOVE then tell them! If they stop and you want more, say so! Let them know what you enjoy, scream, moan, praise the lawd, whatever you want to do. But make sure to reward and positively enforce your partner when the time calls for it.
Now why the difference? Because you don’t want to discourage your partners confidence, and you should absolutely stop them if you are uncomfortable in any way. But if they do something like smack your ass really hard, make sure you let them know that you didn’t enjoy that and don’t want it to happen again. And as to not cause a fight, I highly suggest doing after time has passed, such as the next day or a few hours later.
- Self Care. No, this doesn’t have to involve your partner. Why does self care matter? If you give yourself the care you need, then you help nurture that desire to enjoy time with your partner. It also makes you more open to being with your partner if you’ve had your needs met.
Schedule time for you, does it have to be daily? No, it can be weekly or monthly… whatever you desire. The important part is that make sure you take care of yourself so you can take care of the other relationships in your life. You want to communicate with your partner so both of you are making sure you find time to just do the self care that you both need to do.
I understand life gets chaotic, things happen… but it will only get worse if you don’t make time for yourself. Part of this, may mean asking for help, and just know its okay to do this. You can ask for help, you can pay for help, you can say no. Whatever you need to do make sure you are in a good place with yourself so you can be in a good place with everyone else.
- Date Nights. No, this doesn’t have to do directly with sex, but it does have to do with flirting, seducing and romancing your partner. It’s about reconnecting with your partner with just the two of you. Even after you’ve committed to one another you can still date your partner.
Don’t be afraid to make rules when it comes to your date nights. If you don’t want to discuss house chores, kids or errands then state that. And it’s not to say that you won’t discuss them at all, it’s that you don’t want to possibly fight or become stressed out during a time that you’re suppose to just relax with your partner.
Creating this positive environment will help you both crave one another on a deeper level as you grow your intimacy. Intimacy doesn’t just mean having sex, it means connecting on an emotional level with your partner. Letting them see and know the side of you that nobody else does.
Dates are also a chance for you to just be a couple instead of being a parent, coworker, or any other hat you may have to wear.
These are some of the habits that you can implement in your relationship to help create a healthy environment. Don’t be afraid to talk with your partner, see what changes you can make for the better now and help to create the intimacy you want.
Always Uncensor Your Pleasure
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