How did I become a dominatrix? What led up to it and how did I make such a life changing decision to enter into the adult industry? 

 

 

When people go to enter into the adult industry they may have some questions that help them contemplate if they should or not. 

 

  • How much money will I make? 
  • What are my limits?
  • What will I tell people I do without telling them what I do? 
  • What will my family think? Do I even care? 
  • What will happen? 

 

I mean these are all common sense things to think of… but did I think of any of these? Well.. not exactly. 

 

This story starts in Ventura, CA, and I was 22. Life had been a little chaotic to say the least, I had to move back into my moms house after a whole lot of chaos in my life. What happened? In short I moved to LA, move to Oxnard with some friends and when that blew up I moved back to Ventura. 

 

My dad passed shortly after I turned 21, by shortly I mean a month later. And I had ventured down to LA from Sacramento not long after, less than 4 months later. I honestly can’t speak to my mindset and where I was at because a LOT has happened since. But I was young, and determined to live my life and make things happen. And so I did. 

 

I learned a LOT while living in LA and grew a lot as well, I’d gotten a taste and felt the wildness of the city. Melted in the freedom to express, thrived in the ability to grow into anybody, danced with the drive and passion that swirled in the air as you walked down the street. 

 

So you can imagine having to move to Ventura (where my mom relocated to after we left Sacramento) wasn’t easy. I tried to give Ventura a chance, I honestly did. I met a friend and decided to go out on the town… that was a nightmare. This goes off the story for just a moment but honestly, this story just has total Hangover movie vibes.

 

So I drove over to this guys house, he was just a friend and that’s how I thought of him. We were meeting at his house so we could go out into Downtown Ventura. I was excited, it seemed fun, I looked cute!

 

So I enter this dude’s house and there’s a bag of coke on the table. He had pulled some out to do a line next to the bag. Now I’m just not really into drugs, it’s just not my thing. So I passed on the coke that he politely offered and waited awkwardly for us to leave. This should have been my first sign to end the night early, I didn’t listen. 

 

We get to Downtown Ventura and we go to a place ironically called “The Good Bar”, which it was not. The bar itself was fine… it was the people that weren’t. I’m not a judgemental person, I wasn’t back then either, but I do believe in boundaries.

 

Just to help with the full picture, I wasn’t dressed weird. I had jeans, heels and a cute shirt on, my hair was cutely pulled back and my makeup nice. It wasn’t anything over the top or too dressy.

 

So I’m sitting there drinking and this ‘friend’ and I are talking, there’s 3 people behind me, two women and a guy. One of the chicks from this group comes up beside me, I’m thinking she’s just passing by… no. 

 

With a dead set face, wild eyes and long blond hair she smiles at me then proceeds to lick my freaking shoulder. WHO DOES THAT? Like seriously, my jaw dropped, I’m side eyeing this girl now and I can feel the breeze over the spit now on my shoulder. But I kept my composer. She laughed like the little psycho she was and turned back to her table. They waited for my reaction, but I didn’t give them one, because the reaction I wanted to give her was a punch to the face. 

 

Extreme? I don’t think so… you lick  my shoulder, you don’t know me and you laugh after before walking away. I handled it well… determined to not let it ruin my night I brushed it off and kept on going… ignoring my other sign to go the frick home!  

 

I then finished the little bit of the drink I had left so I could use the bathroom, because I didn’t trust this guy. I mean he had just done coke and took me to a bar where a girl licked me. Granted the licking wasn’t his fault, but my trust to leave a drink around while I was in the bathroom was gone. 

 

The walk to the bathroom was like any walk in a bar… for the most part. I’m moving my way through this crowd, my hand clutching my purse and thoughts questioning if I should leave or not on my mind. 

 

I’m minding my own business working my way through the crowd when this guy pops off his seat and jumps in the way. He’s got short messy hair, he’s a little taller than me and has forced me to stop in front of him. Wanting to get away I try to excuse myself and go around him.. He’s not about to let that happen. 

 

He looks me dead in the face and says “wana have sex? My wife gave me a hall pass for the night, are you a dominatrix?” And I’m just like what the hell??I was flabbergasted by how blatant he was, so I stood there awkwardly hoping he’ll back away. It’s not a tactic I use often because typically the person doesn’t get the cue that I’m not interested, he finally moves… only after I say no and start to push forward. I managed to get around him and go to the bathroom. Everything was totally fine in the bathroom. It was coming out and going back to my table that was the problem.

 

As I’m walking back to the table I walk  on the opposite side of the bar,  because I thought it would be easier than going by the guy who asked me if I was a dominatrix. (At the time I wasn’t)  I didn’t want to tempt fate by walking by the guy again, with no clue what was waiting for me and having ignored my third red flag, I ventured down the opposite side of the bar. 

 

Now it wasn’t a big bar so there wasn’t a ton of room to walk but I tried. About half way through the indoor area of this bar, this couple stops me in my tracks, coming to a screeching halt yet again. Not thinking much of it I try to get around them… but they grab my arm to make sure I stay in place. 

 

There I am looking at them, the guys released my arm and I’m like “Hi, can I help you?”. The guy looks at the girl he’s with then looks back at me and they go “Do you want to have a threesome?”. Oh How I wish I could say I’m making this all up, but alas I’m not. I’m standing there awkwardly, completely uninterested and the chick decides this is prime time to chime in. “I’m totally cool with it, we should totally do it!”. I look at both of them say ‘no’, then force my way past them. It was my fourth and final red flag and I had gotten the hint. 

 

I got back to the table and my ‘friend’ was clearly intoxicated and no longer interested in my presence. Taking the fourth red flag as the big one, I decide it’s not longer smart to really stick around, I did not want to see what the rest of that night held so I called myself an Uber and left. I was not about this life at all. 

 

I never thought that in one bar I could have three weird and uncomfortable encounters but I definitely did and I’m fine that I didn’t take any of them up on their offers. Honestly I’m okay with it, that wasn’t my time to take up people on those offers. Now I don’t know if that one guy asking me if I was dominatrix triggered something… could it have? I don’t know, but let’s get back to how I became one anyways! 

 

 

I was 22 in Ventura and an insurance broker. I had a license and everything, I was doing it and I hated it. I was disappointed to hate it. I didn’t mean to hate it and I didn’t want to hate it but I did hate it, it’s just one of those things in life. I worked really really hard for it and I hated it completely and that happens. So I was sitting on my mom‘s couch and I was reading erotica and I can’t remember by who but I want to say that it was ‘Red Phoenix, Brie’s Submission’ I recall looking up from the book and thinking ‘ I want to be a dominatrix’.

 

I put down the book and I googled on my phone ‘Dungeon’s in Los Angeles’. The first one that came up I called and this Russian lady picked up and greeted me in a way that made me know I was calling a Dominatrix. It was very business professional but strict. It was exactly what you would expect to find at a Dungeon. I told her  I want to be a dominatrix and she was like, really and I was like, yes! She asked about my experience and told her I didn’t have experience but I have drive and was determined to learn everything about it. I told her I really really want this and to learn all about this I can do this. 

 

What made me think I could do this? I have no idea but I wanted it.Something about it just felt right, I was an insurance broker and I was making this dramatic move which I’d given zero thought to aside from the thought that I wanted to do it. I needed to do it, the moment the thought popped into my mind it wasn’t a question, it was the answer I’d been waiting for. 

 

She said ‘ Okay, let’s go ahead and have an interview. You can come in on Sunday in the afternoon at 2 PM. I’ll text you the address the day before.’ And that was the phone call that changed it all. I made that call on a Tuesday, so I had to wait the entire week to go to the dungeon and let me tell you I was so nervous and so excited. I mean what do you wear to an interview with a dominatrix, like really what do you wear?

 

So as I’m taking this all in I’m realizing I haven’t told my mom yet so a couple days go by and I have this like massive secret inside me.  I’m like, oh my god what do I do? So while we’re out grocery shopping I decide that it’s a perfect time to tell her because then she can’t totally freaked out in public right? By now it’s Friday so I’ve been giddy with this for a few days. 

 

In hindsight it was probably like the worst place to tell her in public but thankfully my mom is super super chill so I went ahead while we’re in the aisle at Food 4 Less. I look at her and I’m like I have something to tell you and by this time the secret is eating at me because I’m a pretty open person I don’t really keep secrets of my own.

 

So holding the secret from my mom was just kind of like weird because it’s not really in my personality to do that so I was like I have to tell you something. She’s like okay and deciding to just get it out without prepping it I tell her. I literally go  “I have an interview to be a dominatrix on Sunday and I wanted to let you know”,  she looks at me and she “goes oh my god finally”. FLOORED! I was stunned that she really reacted like that. I was thinking huh what did you say you said what? 

 

 

I didn’t know what to expect from her, but that reaction wasn’t what I thought it would be at all. In my family we’ve always been open about sex but were also a hard-core Mexican Catholic family and typically those two things don’t intertwine. Now granted with my parents it was always easy talking about sex they didn’t make it this big mystery and we didn’t have to talk about it all the time but they never hide things from us if that makes sense.

 

That just wasn’t the response that I was anticipating but I was happy and now someone knew if I went missing all the sudden on Sunday then they would know where to start. So then my only next challenge and it was a challenge was figuring out what to wear because let me tell you it was not easy deciding what to wear. 

 

So I know you’ve been waiting the whole article to figure out what you wear to an interview with a dominatrix, and I’ll tell you I wore a cute little dress that showed off my cleavage and my legs. Thinking back it was a very safe dress but I think I just wanted to come off more professional than I did slutty and I did.

 

So Saturday rolls around and I haven’t gotten the text yet with the address so I reach out to her because I’m thinking maybe she needs to see initiative on my end so I text her, ‘Hi can I have the address for tomorrow and just to confirm it’s at 2?’ She goes ahead and she sends it over to me and she goes ‘Yes I’ll see you this time and at this place.” Now I have the address, while it’s quite a distance from me it is going from Ventura to LA so it really wasn’t that terrible in hindsight.  Now the nerves are kicking, I’m straight up super nervous. I mean I’m interviewing to be a dominatrix that’s not like a typical position that you interview for. But I was ready for it, whatever it held, whatever happened,  I was ready for it.

 

Sleep did not come easy but I wanted to look put together so I did get some sleep just not a lot. And then the day arrived, I was so nervous I literally was like I was shaking while doing my makeup. I was intimidated and nervous and I hadn’t even met this lady but by this time I’ve had like quite a few days to kind of think about it, build it up and what not, and let me tell you I was so firm in this decision I just knew it was the right move for me. 

 

So the time comes and I like to be on time because I believe in being early, which is on time where I come from. No thanks to nerves and of course not knowing how LA traffic is going to be on a Sunday I end up arriving like 20 minutes early. I was totally oay with so then I sat in the hot car for 20 minutes waiting patiently to wait for an appropriate time to be like “I’m here!!!” which I decided was 10 minutes to 2pm, but that 10 minute wait in the car was the longest 10 minutes of my life, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down so I wasn’t completely nervous.  

 

I mean I honestly had no idea what she was going to ask. I had no experience, I had nothing to go off aside from the eroticas I’d read. With no idea how this would go, I ventured into my first entry into the adult industry. Completely. Clueless. 

 

 

But the interview was great, it was at an apartment that had been converted into a dungeon. I know it sounds odd but that was the Dungeon was in this like two bedroom apartment upstairs but in Los Angeles, having a huge Dungeon space isn’t easy. She was a small Dungeon, it was discrete but the clientele was well known. 

 

When we sat down to do the interview, we talked and she just kind of got to know me. Next thing I know she said ‘Okay, we’ll start your dominatrix training on Tuesday’ and I was like “OMG! I got it!’ The excitement just coursed through me, I was stoked. It happened, I had officially entered into the adult industry.

 

 So at the time I did not know this but when you become a dominatrix you actually are supposed to go through several months of submissive training. That means you come in, you are the submissive and you experience everything that you would do to your clients so that way you know what you’re doing.

 

However this Dungeon was short on Dominatrix’s, so she started me as a dominatrix right away. This just meant that I had to learn everything a little bit differently. I had to learn how to do things and then test them on myself as I learned how to do them on the training sub. 

 

What’s a training sub? She had a couple subs that would come around and didn’t have to pay so long we could learn on them. They would communicate to let me know how to do something new and give me feedback on how I was doing. 

 

Of course at times the goal is pain, but never to leave lasting damage. And you don’t want to damage somebody, you want them to return, you don’t want to hurt their body to the point of no return. 

 

But oh was it exhilarating, going to the Dungeon, girls would be there and music would be flowing through the rooms,  we would be doing our make-up getting ready for the night to see who was going to come in. It was such an atmosphere and I really honestly enjoyed it. I bet at this point you’re wondering if something else happened aren’t you? You’re curious if I had sex aren’t you? 

 

So did I have sex? Nope not at all I didn’t have sex with any guys. Does that mean I wasn’t turned on? Not at all, some of the things you do are so sexually charged.  You don’t need to have sex with them to be turned on, you’re tying them up, pouring hot wax over them and it can be so erotic.

 

Now is this to say that other Dominatrix’s don’t have sex with their clients? No it’s not, as many of those who do, the same amount don’t. It depends on who you get and where you go. At my Dungeon we didn’t have sex with the clients. The focus of BDSM is power control, it’s sexually charged yes, but it’s about fufiling a fetish, not about sex. 

 

 

As time went on and I learned what I was doing wasn’t just BDSM to me. And despite that it had nothing to do with sex, a lot of times I got turned on. But it turned into more than that for me, it became art, it turned into this full hour of music running through the air. The atmosphere was sensual, the mood was sexy, it was enticing and enthralling. 

 

It was the two of us at this moment, me flogging them as they sit on their knees. My flogging went with the flow of the moment, not every thud hard and intense, some light and playful. Desire dances around you as you create living art, tugging at the nipples as I run my nails up their back, hitting the flogger between their legs just so.  

 

It’s sexual art, it’s a moment where the only things that matter are the creative ways you indulge this person’s fantasy. You’re making this moment one they won’t forget. I would get so lost sometimes in those moments that an hour would pass before I knew it. And that was it, I was hooked. 

 

Becoming a dominatrix was the start of my introduction into the adult industry once I started I was hooked.

 

This industry was tantalizing, it wasn’t about having sex for me, it’s about helping others indulge in their pleasure. It’s the art, the sensuality, the orgasm heard around the world. Being a Dominatrix let me create a world in those moments, a world that was full of pleasure with pain, a world where the rules were the ones we created and anybody could be anything. Your imagination had to be vast, your drive wild, your desire strong and control over your willpower. 

 

If you had asked me a week before I made that phone call if I would be a dominatrix I never would’ve thought that’s where my life would have led me. But it did and I’m grateful for it, I ran down the rabbit’s hole, and this is where I ended up. 

 

Now how did I go from Dominatrix to Certified Sex Educator? Well, that’s an article for another time, but this is how I got into the adult industry, a story worth more than words and experience I’ll never forget.

 

 

Always Uncensor Your Pleasure

 

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