The Sexual Fetish and You
Try a fetish? Why would I dare do that? It’s so taboo! But is it? Here’s 3 popular sexual fetishes to try!
Fetish: a sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an object, body part or act. (Thanks Merriam-Webster!)
What happens behind closed doors often isn’t talked about in social groups… but I promise you, that friend you have who seems so innocent is probably super kinky.
According to womenshealthmag.com 1 in 6 people has a sexual fetish.
So you’ve opened your mind to the possibility of being a little kinky. But you don’t want to dive into the deep end so where do you start? Don’t worry I’ve got you covered.
These are 3 fetishes that are easy and fun for you to explore with your partner! These 3 fetishes give you an opportunity to expand grow, so give em a try and have some fun.
What is Bondage?
Bondage is the act of restraining or being restrained using various things such as cuffs, rope or other things. Bondage is great because there’s so many levels on how far you can take it.
What makes it fun?
When you’re tied up you don’t have control. The pleasure is left to your partner, the ability to stop them/ touch them or react to their sensuality physically is gone leaving you to whatever they choose to delight you in.
You have to submit to them, your body can’t jerk around in throws of passion.
And if you are always in control then sometimes its easier to want to give up control when it’s taken from you. To relax and let your partner be in control, doesn’t make it easy but it can make it fun. It can also lead to some amazing orgasms by having to surrender and indulge in your partner.
Rules to bondage
- Have a safe word. If your partner says the safe word immediately release them from everything and check to see how their doing.
- Have scissors near by. You want an easy release if something goes wrong, it just happens, it’s life, its okay. So you want to have scissors near by to cut your partner free.
- Test everything. As you restrain your partner, make sure it’s not too tight and test to see if it’s too loose. Ask them how their doing frequently so you can both enjoy worry free. You should ask how they’re doing as you tie them up!
- Discuss limits. You want to see what your partner is up for doing and what their completely against. It’s okay for everybody to have boundaries they absolutely should. But you want to know what they are so you don’t cross them and ruin the fun. It also puts you at ease to know that you both have boundaries and they won’t be crossed.
There’s a couple type of limits to discuss. You want to talk to what’s totally open and you are fine with, what you want to try but take it slow and explore it and what is completely off limits.
This is a crucial conversation and if you are unsure about your limits then you can say ‘I’d like to start with just “doing this'” such as tying up your hands only and seeing how it goes.
These are things you want to go over with your partner so you’re both on the same page. You want to make sure that you can
There’s quite a few items that you can use for restraining when it comes to bondage so let’s go over them!
This is honestly great for everything, you can pick the feel of the rope, the length of the rope and it’s easy to cut if anything goes wrong.
You can also pick how the rope feels, different ropes have different textures. Rougher rope has more of a bite against the skin when you use it. Silkier rope can caress the skin in a delicious way.
Know your knots, the key is to practice. B.E.S.T. Slave Training has a guide to basic knots and more on ropes.
The examples of being tied up are just examples for those who are more advanced than the beginner. So don’t be intimated, have fun with it and learn those knots!
So you like the idea of the rope, you like the feel of it but don’t want to knot it. That’s totally okay!
You can get rope restraints, their literal restraints pre-tied and all that are made of rope. What’s great is that their adjustable and give you that same feel of the rope without the worry.
Pre-Tied Rope Recommendation
There are quite a few cuff options you can have fun with. Cuffs don’t mean just the metal type you see in the movies or the only furry type.
Cuff’s can be soft and have a hook eye to lock them instead of the tightening device. This gives you more control and and their easy to undo.
With certain cuffs after you’ve attached them to the wrists, you can use the hooks to hook them either to ankles on the cuffs or on to something, such as a bed rail.
Versatile Wrist Cuffs
Wrist & Ankle Cuffs
What’s fun about these restraints is they can attach on the sides or under your bed. You can set them up once and leave them, just tuck them out of the way when you don’t want to use them, nobody will know you‘re a little kinky.
These types typically have the wrist and ankle cuffs with a hook eye lock. You can use just the ankles or just the wrists or all of them if you so choose. You don’t have to face upward or you can flip on your stomach, have some fun with it!
Bed Restraint Recommendations
The restraint options are endless! Don’t be afraid to try more than one thing, the goal is pleasure not pain, unless you’re into that. With thicker width cuffs that have a hook eye lock, they don’t hurt, so you can pull against more without really worrying about them biting into the skin.
The cuffs, though fun do have a little more of a bite and the rope despite the endless options you have with rope, can be more technically difficult. I suggest testing and exploring and just having some fun.
Where to Tie and Positions
You have a variety of options when it comes to tying the rope onto the body. If you put in your partner in a more difficult position then you have to make sure it’s not too tight, you don’t want to cut off circulation. If you are a beginner, heres some areas to try and some to avoid.
Places To Tie
- Wrists to Ankles
- Wrists to Thighs
- Testicles (testies can pop, you need to be careful around them)
Now the areas I suggested you avoid, are only until you have more practice. If you are a beginner these can be trickier areas and it’s good to practice on larger parts of the body.
Communication is a big part of being kinky with your partner, so be sure check in with them frequently to see how they’re doing!
Easy Positions To Tie Up Your Partner
Start with some easy positions before getting into complex positions so you can both get into the flow of things and comfortable with it all. Your boundaries and comfortable level is always changing and growing with you, so keep that conversation over what you’d like to try alive.
- Restrain to the bed, using bed restraints.
- Restrain hands in front of them (they can still touch and play with you this way). You can restrain from the elbows down to the wrists, which will push out the breasts if applicable.
- Restrain hands or elbows behind them, this prevents your partner from being able to touch you and really open them up to you as they have to also rely on you to move around.
- Use restrains to tie ankles to bed, your partner won’t able to close they’re legs around you, they’ll have to endure your pleasure unless they say their safe word at which point you have to stop all together.
- Tie wrists to thighs, have your partner kneel with their knees spread. Put the wrists to the ankles, to see where you want to tie the wrists so your partner is comfortable. Then have your partner get up on the knees so you can tie around their thighs and then have them lean back on their knees and tie their wrists where you’ve tied their thighs.
After you’ve picked your restraint options and gone over all the rules to bondage the only thing left to do is play!
Take it slow, have fun with it and explore. You don’t have to be into yoga or super flexible to enjoy bondage.
Create your safeword so you can both be on the same understanding.
Discuss the fantasy so you can both enjoy it together.
Use your imagination and enjoy the moment and tying one another up.
The naughty nurse, the kinky teacher, the horny neighbor, the sexy plumber, this sexual fetish is called role play. The options are endless when it comes to transforming into somebody else during role play.
What’s great about foreplay is that it lets you venture into somebody else and have fun with it. Your imagination gets to soar and you get to spice up your relationship.
Does it mean your partner doesn’t like you the way that you are? Absolutely not! It just means that you want to have a little fun with some role play and try new things.
So you don’t want to be something cheesy.. What can you do?
You can put more detail into it, such as what day/night you want to play, where you want to meet your partner at and discover the mystery of who you partner is going to be for the night. You don’t have to go somewhere, you can role play at home!
Have you seen ‘Four Christmases’? The very beginning when they both show up at the bar and hit on each other pretending to be some one else, and it’s all role play. It’s totally okay to act like that! Nobody will know you’re engaging in role play and you can totally have fun with it.
If you want to bring up the idea of roleplay to your partner, start it with a sext. Sext your partner, say something like ‘Well hello there, I heard your secretary was sick so I’m your temporary secretary… and I like to be spanked if I make a mistake’
Yes this sounds kind of silly and a little funny, but it gives you a chance to see if your partner is down to play around with you. See if their open to it and explore the world.
If you like costumes however you can totally dress up in costumes and have fun! Porn has been around for years yet every porn star has forgotten that they have to PAY for the pizza. So maybe its your turn to forget to pay! It’s just role play have fun with it.
Don’t be afraid to dress up and have fun with it, tell your partner that you’ve always wanted to be rescued by a sexy firefighter or something, ask what they’re into and remember, it’s not changing your partner, its changing up your fantasy.
Rules To Roleplay
- Have a safe word established, that way if something is going wrong you can both stop. If you are playing in public and something is happening and you need to break your characters, have a word for that too. You don’t want to be propositioning your partner in front of their boss without realizing it.
- Throw yourself into the scene, laughing is fine! But try to really get into it, it can seem silly, but you don’t want to ruin the scene, and if something inaccurate is said, let it go. Nobody is perfect, it’s okay to let it slide if your partner uses the wrong word.
- Communicate, discuss what you want to try, what would be fun to do! This is an opportunity for you to try new things without having think about it too much.
What is sensation play?
It’s about taking away one of your senses, giving a sense to your partner and letting them control the rest. Yes this is a sexual fetish and a fun one at that!
Your partner could take away your sense of hearing, leaving you to only be able to read their facial expressions and feel what they do to you. Relax into the trust of the pleasure they’ll invoke in you.
Or they could remove your sight, tracing items of variable temperatures. Feeding you things and igniting your senses other ways. Things taste differently when you can’t see them, can’t anticipate what they’ll taste like, such as your lovers kiss.
Restraining you then tracing a feather over you, messing with your sense of touch as they run nails down your back or across your legs.
This particular fetish requires a lot of trust in your partner and the ability to relax and enjoy the moment.
You can have the same sex you always do, but opening it up to playing with your senses can bring a whole new pleasure aspect to your relationship.
Don’t be afraid to get toys to play with. Toy’s just help everything go to the next level, though you don’t need them they can be that little extra push to make the experience incredible.
Sensation Toy Recommendations
Guides To Sensation Play
The best way to accomplish sensation play is to take away a sense, it increases they’re other senses.
- If you take away they’re sight, use a feather, your hands or other fun tools such as wax, a wartenberg wheel or drip oil on your partner. Blow on them, use ice, have fun with it. Your partner can’t see so they can’t anticipate the feather or the drip of an ice cube on their bare nipple.
- If you take away their hearing, you can do this using headphones. Having them stand up and going 360 around their body, they can’t hear you.. so they can’t hear the sound of the paddle being swooshed to their bottom. They can’t hear you opening the lube or massage oil, they can’t focus on what you’re going to pleasure with them, they just focus on their body increasing everything.
- If you want to take away their sense of feel, don’t get super close to them. You want to have distance while you use things like a feather tickler, or have hot wax drip on them. You can use multiple things at one to create sensations such as hot wax on one nipple and putting ice on the other. Use a feather tickler as you spank your partner at the same time or put on nipple clamps as you caress them.
- If you want to take away their sense of touch, restraint them, only touch them when you want to go to them. Only let them feel the parts of you that you want them too.
You have more senses, this only touches on a few of them, don’t be afraid to explore them though and have fun. These may not seem like weird or odd fetishes, but they are sexual fetishes none the less. This is your introduction to the fun world of kink and fetishes, explore, have fun, consent and be safe!
Always Uncensor Your Pleasure.
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